Saturday, March 27, 2010

Seriously; just because you say hello to me,
and I say hi back...
I would LOVE for you to make loud compliments about my behind.
The owner of the Shell station may throw you out...
but that's not my problem.
Maybe it was a hint?
Maybe the fact that you said hi to me, is an invitation
for you to knock on my window,
as I'm stopped at an intersection...
try to get me to come out of my car,
Ooo or better yet,
Yes. You can get in my car,
and we can run away together.

by the way, do these moves work on everyone anyone?

Monday, March 8, 2010

Dedicated to the People Traveling Southbound on Interstate 91

Oh, little Ford Focus,
who insists on chilling behind me
in my blind spot no matter how fast I go...

Let me explain something to you.
I am in the middle lane.
It is for traveling.
Passing requires you to go faster than I.
It does not mean you can stalk my every move
by staying behind the left side of my car.

Maybe if you got off your cell phone
you could make a clear decision.
While I'm on the topic,
Let us discuss the what not to do while driving.
Shall we?

I do not want to see you eating off a plate with a knife and fork.
I saw you last week, Soccer Mom.
I know you gotta get the kids to piano lessons,
but scarfing down last night's pot roast
while doing 75 mph
is not a healthy decision.
To be honest,
it's not very attractive either.

And you...Miss I'm-on-the-Highway-Nobody-Will-Notice,
I noticed.
Keep your clothes on.
If you need to change your sweater,
there is a McDonald's parking lot off exit 35.

I know you don't have a lot of time,
but if you could please refrain from all of the following:

-Shaving (Mr. Straightening-His-Tie-Late-For-Work-Again)
-Knitting (Grandma)
-Reading the newspaper (I know it's hard to stay updated, but PLEASE)
-Texting (enough said)

Thank you for your time!

W-2's, 1040's, 1099's Oh My!!

I am not your tax slave.
It is NOT your God-given right to pin me down
for forty-five minutes whining
about how you got more money last year.
That's nice (considering you have ZERO witholding).

In case you didn't' notice,
I have a family of seven in the waiting room,
four starving volunteers,
and my phone does not stop ringing
from the time that I walk in the door
to the time I run screaming from the office.

And another thing...
The fact that I did your taxes
does not mean that you should call me
every five seconds about
where your "revenue" is.

When I say bring your social security card,
I'm not just saying it because
I LOVE to walk up four flights of stairs to make a copy.
If we get it wrong, the IRS yells at me
I tell you,
You yell at me.
Management yells at me
because they have no idea what goes on in the trenches
but this could all have been easily solved,
if you had listened to my instructions!

...So have a great day, and thank you for visiting my tax site!

Blog Template by - Sponsored by Free Web Space