Monday, November 29, 2010

Job Search Polkas.

I got those feet tapping, eye twitching,
heart racing, haven't even had a cup of coffee yet,
nervousness blues.

Yes, I'm studyin' up on myself,
my surroundings,
and the company's policies.
Gettin' ready to answer questions
about where I want to see myself,
where this fits in with my career plan,
and how this will help me grow.
(all the normal questions)

but still...

knees knocking
shortness of breath
why didn't I bring a paper bag
or take a shot before I left?
Just a side effect of the nervousness blues.

A small price to pay
when the bills are lining up like soldiers
ready to take aim at your empty wallet.

It's all good.
Because the nervousness blues are
usually followed closely by the
Rain Dance of Relief...

and the phone call of truth.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Haikus of rough days.

Mantra for now: "A strong man is not the one who is the wrestler but the one who holds himself back at the time of anger."

job is terrible
need to find another soon
at least I have you.

A fine line between
snarky comments and bit lips
"take a deep breath, kid."

lunch drop and let's go
don't you tell me what to do
is it cig break time?

ready to go home
you did all of your work, right?
as always, boss lady.

Monday, September 6, 2010

This was much needed...

It's time for you and Writer's Block to part ways. Write a letter breaking up with Writer's Block, starting out with, "Dear Writer's Block, it's not you, it's me ... ."

Dear Writer's Block,

It's not you, it's me. I've just been so busy is so long gone. Go to work, fit in some social interaction and sleep. Then when I do have time, you always come around to keep me company. You know how these things go I just need some time to myself, maybe visit some friends. Inspiration and Expression have been lonely lately, they feel a little neglected. I can't keep going on like this. I've been unhappy with the way you make me feel. I have to be honest, and say that I don't think we should be together. I know that you'll find someone to be with, you always seem to be around a lot of people.

Best Regards,


Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Prompts come before poems.

end of story.

"Write from the point of view of a birdcage whose occupant recently died."

It's so drafty over here.
But it's finally quiet.
No annoying tweet tweet SQUAWK SQUAWK.
Nobody to make me a mess.
I hope they're in a better place...
like buried in the backyard.
I'm clean now...they should have thrown a new one in by now.
Oh no!
What if they don't replace this round.
I'm too young (and beautiful) to end up outside in the trash heap.
I can see it now.
The vacuum cleaner crying her eyes out.
Star-crossed lovers, torn apart by the senseless casualties of parakeets...
made even worse by the two most bloodcurdling words in the world.
Garage Sale.
I'm going to be manhandled and pushed around,
picked up,
put down
drooled on by babies
and most likely dented by giggling fifth graders,
and eventually thrown in the back of some stranger's station wagon
promptly displayed in the corner of some hideous living room
with new squeaky residents.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Seriously; just because you say hello to me,
and I say hi back...
I would LOVE for you to make loud compliments about my behind.
The owner of the Shell station may throw you out...
but that's not my problem.
Maybe it was a hint?
Maybe the fact that you said hi to me, is an invitation
for you to knock on my window,
as I'm stopped at an intersection...
try to get me to come out of my car,
Ooo or better yet,
Yes. You can get in my car,
and we can run away together.

by the way, do these moves work on everyone anyone?

Monday, March 8, 2010

Dedicated to the People Traveling Southbound on Interstate 91

Oh, little Ford Focus,
who insists on chilling behind me
in my blind spot no matter how fast I go...

Let me explain something to you.
I am in the middle lane.
It is for traveling.
Passing requires you to go faster than I.
It does not mean you can stalk my every move
by staying behind the left side of my car.

Maybe if you got off your cell phone
you could make a clear decision.
While I'm on the topic,
Let us discuss the what not to do while driving.
Shall we?

I do not want to see you eating off a plate with a knife and fork.
I saw you last week, Soccer Mom.
I know you gotta get the kids to piano lessons,
but scarfing down last night's pot roast
while doing 75 mph
is not a healthy decision.
To be honest,
it's not very attractive either.

And you...Miss I'm-on-the-Highway-Nobody-Will-Notice,
I noticed.
Keep your clothes on.
If you need to change your sweater,
there is a McDonald's parking lot off exit 35.

I know you don't have a lot of time,
but if you could please refrain from all of the following:

-Shaving (Mr. Straightening-His-Tie-Late-For-Work-Again)
-Knitting (Grandma)
-Reading the newspaper (I know it's hard to stay updated, but PLEASE)
-Texting (enough said)

Thank you for your time!

W-2's, 1040's, 1099's Oh My!!

I am not your tax slave.
It is NOT your God-given right to pin me down
for forty-five minutes whining
about how you got more money last year.
That's nice (considering you have ZERO witholding).

In case you didn't' notice,
I have a family of seven in the waiting room,
four starving volunteers,
and my phone does not stop ringing
from the time that I walk in the door
to the time I run screaming from the office.

And another thing...
The fact that I did your taxes
does not mean that you should call me
every five seconds about
where your "revenue" is.

When I say bring your social security card,
I'm not just saying it because
I LOVE to walk up four flights of stairs to make a copy.
If we get it wrong, the IRS yells at me
I tell you,
You yell at me.
Management yells at me
because they have no idea what goes on in the trenches
but this could all have been easily solved,
if you had listened to my instructions!

...So have a great day, and thank you for visiting my tax site!

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