Monday, March 8, 2010

Dedicated to the People Traveling Southbound on Interstate 91

Oh, little Ford Focus,
who insists on chilling behind me
in my blind spot no matter how fast I go...

Let me explain something to you.
I am in the middle lane.
It is for traveling.
Passing requires you to go faster than I.
It does not mean you can stalk my every move
by staying behind the left side of my car.

Maybe if you got off your cell phone
you could make a clear decision.
While I'm on the topic,
Let us discuss the what not to do while driving.
Shall we?

I do not want to see you eating off a plate with a knife and fork.
I saw you last week, Soccer Mom.
I know you gotta get the kids to piano lessons,
but scarfing down last night's pot roast
while doing 75 mph
is not a healthy decision.
To be honest,
it's not very attractive either.

And you...Miss I'm-on-the-Highway-Nobody-Will-Notice,
I noticed.
Keep your clothes on.
If you need to change your sweater,
there is a McDonald's parking lot off exit 35.

I know you don't have a lot of time,
but if you could please refrain from all of the following:

-Shaving (Mr. Straightening-His-Tie-Late-For-Work-Again)
-Knitting (Grandma)
-Reading the newspaper (I know it's hard to stay updated, but PLEASE)
-Texting (enough said)

Thank you for your time!


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